Ewan Morrison, автор "SWUNG", делится своими советами и наблюдениями - Часть IV
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14. One of the joys is in not having sex
At times, I interviewed men myself, just like in a job interview - assessing whether they could put my new partners Sam or Julie at ease, make them laugh, whether they could be trusted. A 6ft 5in New Zealander with a ponytail and no sense of humour, a nervous young man whose ad said he was VWE (very well endowed) but who'd lied about his age and sat trembling as I interviewed him in a bar. He ran out when I went to the toilet. The kid no doubt thought he was so unattractive that it would be easier to score with a couple than go through the process of nightclubbing and dancing and chatting-up only to face rejection.
15. There is a dubious side to swinging
It does attract people who are escapees, or have the wrong motives. Some do it to try to save a failing marriage; some do it to cheat and get away with it; some couples are married but not to each other and swing behind their partners' backs once a month in other cities in hotel rooms. There are some single men, too, who hire prostitutes for the night so they can swing with a couple (they are usually found out, as part of the process is the chat, the building of trust on the basis of a couple's past).
The fact remains, however, that the great majority of swinging ads say, "No single men" - and swinging clubs also have a no-single-men policy. Single men are generally only brought on to the scene when a couple have a bi-curious male. Or when a couple wants multiple men. To be picked as a single male you generally have to be "WE" or "VWE" (although I once saw an ad from a couple looking for a man with a very small endowment). Or to be young - another ad from a retirement-age bisexual couple from Cornwall was calling for an "Adonis" to go with them on their second honeymoon to Greece.
16. Swinging does a lot for your self-confidence and your intuition
You start to see beyond people's appearances. You feel a bit like Tyler Durden in Fight Club, analysing everyone around you to work out if they're part of your Revolutionary Sub-Culture. You develop what is called "Playdar" - a bit like Gaydar. Swingers can spot each other in public. A couple once picked me up in a "regular bar".
17. Swinging is a question, not an answer
My year of swinging ended before I completed my book. I felt I had to stop and take stock and that a novel would be the vehicle for that. The year ended with a prior stage of escalation - an invitation to an orgy at which I realised I'd get much more from it if I was really in love with a partner. My partners had been explorers, not lovers. I was not in love - but I think in that year I learned to love people more, to be more compassionate, more accepting of difference.
I met so many people who claimed their lives had been enriched. And it still makes me ask if the conventions of monogamy are too repressive. Although swingers rarely quote psychologists or radical thinkers, there is an unspoken philosophy akin to that expounded by Erich Fromme and the polyfidelity movement (a sexual variation on communal living): a belief that polyfidelity cures the social problems of loneliness, jealousy, adultery, social fragmentation and emotional boredom.
My year of swinging ended with many new friends who were no longer lovers. Each of us, generally, moved on. Joanne now has a partner and a child. Sally has an on-going relationship with a couple. Which leads me to believe that swinging is, for the committed core, a lifestyle that they live day-in day-out. But for the majority who pass through the websites, it is a stage gone through for a year or so, a volatile stage filled with questions about limits and boundaries. Who I am? How will I live? Can I be happy? Can I love? What is love? Swinging is not so much an answer as a question asked deeply - for as many philosophers say, the only questions worth asking should place your life, and your body, at the heart of the question.
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
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