The SUN: My parents are secret swingers

I’VE just found out my parents are swingers. I don’t understand how they can do something like this just for sexual kicks.

I’m a 17-year-old girl and I recently found out what they were up to via our computer. I found stuff on there I wish I hadn’t seen.
My parents are both 39. They have no idea I know, nor do I want to confront them about it.
To be honest I can barely look at them. I just can’t get my head round why they would want to risk a loving relationship for such (often dangerous) sexual kicks.
I’m really worried it could be damaging their emotional commitment to each other.
If they can sleep freely with other people, what would stop them going off and sleeping with someone else without permission?



My mum has always drummed into me about how serious sex is in a relationship.
She said my dad was the only person she’s been with and it made me respect her so much.
It made me feel guilty inside as I’ve already slept with three guys since I was 16.
Whenever we had a sex talk I felt dirty because of what my mum had said.
She thinks I’m still a virgin by the way. Yet they are obviously relaxed about sleeping with other people who may also have kids.
There is a small part of me that isn’t bothered because millions of couple do it - but I do feel like they’re hypocrites and I’m worried in case it all ends badly in divorce.
No wonder you feel angry and deceived. Your parents have given you one set of rules but lived by quite another themselves.
I’m accepting that you mean what you say, that you don’t want to confront them – at least for now (though I suspect what you know will come bursting out during a row one day). So try to accept that they are fallible human beings who are not managing to live by the guidelines they believe are right.
But that doesn’t make the guidelines wrong. Think your standards through for yourself. You’re right that deception isn’t good, that once you push the boundaries of sexual fidelity it generally increases the pressures on a relationship. Live by your own standards.
But forgive yourself for having had sex with three guys since you turned 16. That’s one area where your mum clearly would have no right to make you feel guilty. But do still look at those experiences and think whether they were ones that made you happy, so you can make good decisions for yourself in future.

My leaflet on Learning About Love And Relationships could help.

Источник: The SUN